All of these philosophical questions.

There's a talk on graduates' skillset gap by a now consultant director at her own firm, previously a recruiter in various institutions including BNM. She provided a list of questions that she would ask individuals that come into her office. Philosophical questions, she calls 'em. And some of it make me think (Honestly i forgotten half of em and only remember what made me think, will ask around later). 

The first is who are you and why you want to work. She asked us to tell her our reasons, aside from the obvious one moooooney and to, live. It startled me, because I never really consciously think about it. I think about working because it's just what you do, right? And also for the obvious reasons. 

But other reason that I am scared to admit is that I would want to dive into the industry to see what I'm worth. What can I contribute. I feel like I have the knowledge. It feels like I might have what it takes to 'make it', at least be a gooood employee? But I am SUPER NERVOUS, which is an understatement. I am aware that I have never been in a banking environment. I am not sure whether I can contribute. Or if my angan angan to 'contribute' is a too big of a dream for a fresh grad and a dream waiting to be deflated. 

Lagi critical is that, what if I am not as good as I think I am. What if I study in a sheltered environment, thinking I'm good enough. Obviously, realistically I am not theeee best. But I might be a little above average. The problem is, I might be above average only in the environment that I had always been in? 

I had been wishing lately, fuck it i dont know how to put it nicely so i just wont for now. 

Anyway, the recruiter pointed out that a psychologist mentioned in her talk that what makes a successful person is grit. The ability to come back up after falling, after failing. I'm just so scared of failing that I dont know if i have grit yet. 

But I do have a strong control on my mind. So maybe I can work it out. Being gritty might be the answer to my fears. Now I have to just face it. And the being gritty part definitely makes it less scary to fail.